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Posts Tagged ‘poop’

My Master’s Daughter, yes XUP this is MY daughter, not some Master of Tai Kwan Do’s daughter, or Master Chef’s daughter.  She is “MY” oldest daughter and she graduated with a straight A average for her Masters degree in education, so she is “my master’s daughter” and she is back to contributing to the blogosphere.

She is my favorite blog.  Sorry,  XUP but she is my daughter and  she is also the funniest person on this earth, and we are talking a lot of very funny people:

Like Crazy Aunt Purl

and Cake Wrecks

and even Blog | Anthony Bourdain

But, this girl was born seeing the world through funny eyes and her blog is the best ever; daughter or no daughter.  I mean, how many people can find a ton of laughs in cleaning a rabbit cage.  Braindebris’s Weblog.  And, I am talking tears running down my cheeks, laughing so hard I cannot talk now at the picture she has painted of her misadventures cleaning the rabbit cage.  You just gotta read it.

I would also like to point out that the other day I admitted to her:

Under the pressure to be witty and informing on Twitter, I am now cannibalizing your BrainDebris blog and stealing lines.  Oh, the humiliation.
And, now, she begins writing again, after a long absence.  Coincidence?  I think not!!!
HMMM!  There’s this little message at the bottom of her blog in size 3 font.  What does it say????
This blog is property of Braindebris@wordpress.com so back away from that copy/paste bucko and think for yourself!
The little smart aleck!  Guess I’m on my own with Twitter.
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I just love Crazy Aunt Purl, although I am a little miffed lately because she has had to cut off comments and sometimes there is  something I just want to tell her or comment to her and I can’t and that is why, like Crazy Aunt Purl, I would like to stab someone repeatedly with a fork.  In my case, and I would not doubt she would like to also, the idiot who was stalking/harassing her.

I mean, I do not think that was the reason Crazy Aunt Purl wanted to stab someone repeatedly with a fork, but it would be a reason for me.

Scroll down to April 15, 2009, on Crazy Aunt Purl and read “Just another day in the neighborhood.”  I have lived in semi-rural neighborhoods, small city neighborhoods and rural neighborhoods, but I have never lived in a big city neighborhood. 

I have always thought that city living would be fun to do for a year or two though.  You know, get rid of the car and the insurance and the repairs, grab a bus when you want to go anywhere, spend Saturdays at a museum, Sundays at the park, just walk to the neighborhood night spot and listen to some jazz or blues.

I have however, lived in apartments where I could hear the next door man beating up his wife (yes, I called the police.  I do that kind of thing.), or I had to go next door and  hold the new baby because the 17 year old nervous mother had no idea what to do to calm him.  

Now, our neighbors are dogs and that is not a commentary on their personality.  It is their non-human companions I am talking about.  We rarely hear from the neighbors themselves, it is their dogs that we have to deal with.  No one seems to keep their pets in their yards and dogs wander all over.  They all travel through our yard.  This includes the two Chihuahua’s across the street to the two St. Bernard’s two doors down the road from us, who own their very own pet, a 9 pound dog that hangs with them.  And, they leave piles for our Irritating little Chihuahua to smell. I mean, if you came across a pile of poop as big as you are, well—–. 

In her city neighborhood, Crazy Aunt Purl has a loud mother with children who suffer from a rare form of selective deafness (probably from all that loud talking), and neighbors who cannot seem to learn to shut their car alarm off when they open their door. 

In my semi-rural neighborhood, I have automobile owners who think it is cool to hang Confederate flags on their car, wear shirts riped out on the side so everyone can verify they have armpit hair and blast out “Watermelon Crawl’ from their mammoth woofers.  Then there is the family whose young child screamed for two years straight.  I do not believe that child learned to talk until she was five.

But, the worse are those who have dogs who bark all night.  I mean, literally all night long.  Some live like a mile away and I have no idea how they sleep through it, but once in  a while I have a neighbor who shoots dogs.  No, it is not me.  But, you can only be sleep deprived for so long.  Last night the barking was coming from three directions.  I felt like I was in a 101 Dalmatian movie with a dog telegraph going on for an emergency.

By the way:  Crazy Aunt Purl  has a book out and it is hilarious.

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This is one of those “off the cuff” blogs; because no one is home anyway, nor posting to their blogs.  I have never considered Labor day to be a prime holiday; but last night someone near me was shooting off major fireworks and no one is posting to their blog.  Gosh, you would think people have a life or something.

 

So, these are things I have noticed lately.

 

I love the writings and blogs of Crazy Aunt Purl and so does 88.5% of the blogsphere.  No matter what blog I check out, it seems they have a link to *Crazy Aunt Purl* on their sidebar.  I must say, it makes you feel at home.  Congrats! Crazy Aunt Purl.

 

I found out this week, that if you do a post on Viggo Mortensen, your readership will double overnight.  Mention his “girlfriend” and it will triple.  Thanks and Congratulations to Viggo!

 

That of the X# of blogs linked to on my sidebar (cannot be specific because I added blogs today), only two blogs (of those I had on this morning) have posted this weekend:

 

1.      Velvet Cerebellum The Velvet Cerebellum has posted this weekend and that was about a yarn orgy, so who could wait to post that? 

 

2.     My mother’s poetry site, which I made a commitment to post to every day for a year.  Of course, I post it, and I, obviously, have no life since I am also sitting here, posting to my blog. 

 

That a rabbit will poop in her food dish if: a wasp is in her cage, or she is lonely, or she just doesn’t like the food she is getting.  The rabbit isn’t telling, so I’m only guessing here. Perhaps she will not do it again though, as when I cleaned it all out and refilled it, she ate like a hungry pig.

 

That irritating Chihuahua cannot recognize a family member when they are walking past the house on the driveway.

 

And, that I just collated my blog links between this site and My Favorites because it will make things quicker, and I am killing time.

 

And, as JRockGuitarMan sits patiently and awaits his turn on the dial-up, I now will get offline and work on my book. 

 

Have a great weekend, everyone!

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Irritating little Chihuahua loved her vet in Wyoming. It was the first vet we found for her that she did not try to eat alive; which takes some doing for a 6.2 pound Chihuahua. However, she had her own way of showing her love. It did not matter how much I let her out before we went or how little I fed her on the day of the visit, she always pooped on the vet.

 

The second to the last visit that irritating little Chihuahua had with her vet (since we were moving), the vet proudly announced that she had made it through a whole exam without being pooped on. This was corrected on the last visit, when just as we were leaving, she said. “After you guys left, last time, I found my present.”

 

“She pooped in my pocket.”

 

Little Chihuahua has a male vet in Martinsville. She has not pooped on him once. Maybe it’s a “girl” thing?

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Master’s daughter and I were at it again, the dippers of Margarita that is. She reminded me of the old “list serve” my brilliant nephew, in Wisconsin, had set up for the family before Blogs or subscriptions to groups were the rage. With one click, you could send your email out to everyone and, as long as everyone was being nice and friendly, it was a blast. Of course, that was also a time when only your family knew how weird your family was and not everyone in the universe, who can now read it when you spill your guts on your Blog.

 

My “Mother of eleven” daughter, was looking for a house about seven children ago, when she happened upon a piece of rural property with bonus lawn decorations. Homes in Wyoming come with lots of perks; sagebrush, rattlesnakes, sagebrush, windmills to bring up water, sagebrush, jackrabbits, and more sagebrush. This had an added bonus.

 

The bonus: Loose cattle rubbing against the house, looking in windows, eating the flowers, or just relaxing in a decorative manner and pooping on the lawn. The by-product of which is heaps of flies. It would be enough to know my mother’s reaction to poop in the yard, you should have heard her when said daughter had loose chickens, then you would understand that this was really enough to get a good conversation going.

 

However, as a poop de grâce, there was a dead cow in the front yard. Not surprisingly, not if you know my family at any rate, this became the topic of a contest on our family list serve.

 

 Answers to the problem ranged from:

1. Wait 20 years and sell the cow skull to mom. (Okay, so I was a re-enactor then. So, shoot me. My daughters often fought over who would HAVE to take Mom’s stuff if I died)

 2. Give it to the realtor as a thank you gift.

3. Start a new farming trend: dead cows, low feed bills, fewer ranch hands.

4. Advertise it as low maintenance pets.

5. Tie it to a stick and use it for a scare-cow.

6. Tie to the front of your truck and use it as a cattle guard.

7. Sell it to Hollywood as a prop.

8. Build a catapult and make it your neighbor’s problem.

9. Put its picture on cartons of spoiled milk.

10. Point all 4 feet upward and put a flower box on its belly.

11. Get a big box and ups it to the previous owners.

12. Get a large magnet and place it on the fridge.

13. Feet up, sheet of glass, cowfee table table.

14. Use it to start your very own road kill restaurant.

15. Use it as a pull toy for your growing family.

16. Save it for Halloween and put on someone’s roof

17. Get a large tank of piranha, as you have plenty of feed now.

18. Inflate it with helium and enter it in the unusual kites contest

19. Use it as a very smelly piñata.

 

 

 Daughter and I were wondering, however, just what would “Designed to Sell” do with a dead cow. How about it? Any ideas how they would give it curb appeal? You can’t say have it hauled away. It has to be decorative.

 

 

 

 

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