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Posts Tagged ‘brain’

It is 2am and I am going to post this without corrections.  YES, I DO go back through and make corrections, believe it or not.  Which, even I have trouble believing sometimes when I re-read what I have written.

We’ve been at the hospital since Monday, or Tuesday, or last November (it seems) and, when I got home tonight I crashed; slept more soundly than I have in days and now I am up, but the brain may not be up to correcting things much.

The brain is such a marvelous, misunderstood, know-nothing-about organ. My neurologist says they know the least about the brain out of the whole body.  I have had diagnoseees/diagnosis/plural/whatever that have said, that I have either left-temporal lobe epilepsy, or familial hemiplegic migraines (which mysteriously, I do not have a single symptom of, or just those curvy brainwaves.

It has often been said, about my mother and by my mother, that no one will ever know if she gets dementia because it is her normal state.  They were wrong.  BIG TIME!

Mom is 90, so a few months ago, when she started getting  significantly more spacy than normal, it was no surprise.  Last week, she descended quickly. We thought she was having mini strokes. She has been diagnosed with partial seizures. She stares into space, mouth open and then comes back to us, she also mentions she has a headache, starts talking gibberish and then says, “I can’t even understand myself.”

Unfortunately, she also has Alzheimer’s. I imagine that she would also like me to mention that it is highly unfair to expect her to remember what year it is as she has always been bad with numbers.  That’s what she told us when she failed her fourth Alzheimer’s quiz.   Oh, and there are also only two numbers in the year because the first two numbers don’t count, so saying the year is 27, is correct, even though there is no 7 involved in saying 2012.

Poor gal, also has to have surgery, but that’s in a couple of weeks.

Tomorrow, the doctor and husband and I take mom across the ER parking lot to the rehab/nursing center. She wants to go home and keeps forgetting she is going there, even though she said it is fine to go there. She wants her computer, even though she cannot remember how to turn it on and her crocheting even though she has not crocheted in years. And, I will bring her travel Scrabble, and we will play it together.

I might actually have a chance to win now.

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My brain shuts down early in the evening and irritating Chihuahua wants to go to bed at 8pm. She will sit up in front of my husband’s chair and beg him to leave the room, until he finally does. Yes, ladies, I do rent irritating Chihuahua out.  She will then sit and stare at me. If I am involved and ignore her, she will finally curl up and go to sleep. However, she will then refuse to move when I am ready for bed. Her 6.2 lb body becomes forty pounds of “I told you to go to bed and I ain’t movin.”

i guess I should explain here, that due to a bad back and a horribly damp cold supposedly finished basement area, that I cannot bear to sleep in, I sleep on the couch upstairs. Then, there is always the ghost down there too, which my mother says explains the horrible, damp cold.

#1 problem is: I sleep in the front room. Sleeping in the front room has many drawbacks. One, is the fact that way too many people work late and come through the open floor plan front room/kitchen to go downstairs to their bedrooms.

#2 problem is: There are too many resident, and non-resident, boys over the age of sixteen here at any given time.  All of them require two hour feedings all night. Note to new parents. It may end when they are a few months old, but it starts again at age 15.

#3 problem is: There are exactly, at any given time, twelve items (I counted) in my vision of sight area with at least one glowing light. This does not include the cell phones being charged or the #%#! computer, which everyone seems to leave on all night. It’s something about VISTA (Hard to believe, huh????). It doesn’t shut down right and the blue light glows all night and gradually brightens and dims all night, as if beckoning someone to come so it can trap it in its non-working snare. Whereupon, I get up, go and start it up so I can shut it down and sit there until it is off, which takes like a millenium because if you shut the screen before it is shut down, it will not shut down and the blasted blue light will continue to beckon to all the planes in the flight path going south from Indianapolis.

#4 problem is: Of the twelve items that are permanently lit up, one of them is a stereo, belonging to oldest boy, Gaffer, (occupation, not his name, although it is a thought and it does suit him.). Gaffer hooked the stereo up so we could get better sound when we watch DVD’s. The problem is, the stereo has a light show that beats many rock bands. You may not turn it off, EVER! It runs when the stereo is turned off and I can’t throw it out because it does not belong to me. So, I have to get up again to cover it with a double folded throw because youngest son likes to listen to music on it.

#5 problem is: At this point, I crawl into bed muttering and after saying SH_T! I get up and take my pills. Then, I get up next time to adjust the %!#^ air conditioning. At this point, I say, Doors locked, dog’s food fluffed, dogs water filled, flashlight, pills, alarm, and lay down, safe in the knowledge I will never sleep more than two hours at a time. EVER!

I have put masking tape over the light on the air purifier. It’s light is a beacon on the ceiling that rivals that of old auto sales yard spot lights. I get up every time the electricity goes out and punch the stove so that light will not continue to blink all night. I unplug both printers at night. I firmly believe these glowing lights on everything are a plot by the oil company to make us use more power.

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After a frustrating morning trying to be intelligent serious on my new writing blog,   THOUGHTS IN YELLOWWOOD FOREST , I decided to return to my comfort zone and check out my WordPress Blog for the morning, where I found a comment from Lyda on Pollyanna, linking me to her poem “Shakespeare Rainbow”  Pollyanna’s Blog Poetry Corner « Pollyanna Rainbow Sunshine and the Needles of Doom.   Whew! Take a breath here.

Polyanna dug through the garbage can of search terms, at her Blog, to create artwork. (See link above for full poem) I am particularly taken with the following lines in her poem:

plying hand dye,
dead brain cells

I feel like someone, be it the searcher or Lyda, has seen the inside of my brain. Not a pleasant feat! As I read these lines, I picture all these little threads of hand dyed yarn tangled in the recesses of my dead brain cells. Gosh, is this what happens to a knitter as she ages? Her attic becomes nothing but a tangle of yarn.

Now,  I stand and pronounce to the world. “I have a brain disorder. I see things that no one else sees and I enjoy it.” Yup! That’s right. I enjoy my little visions. My family has puzzled over them for years. They used to be in color. I saw a purple door floating in the air once. Now, they are in black and white.

The other night I turned off my laptop, and before shutting the screen, I was able to watch a cartoon in black and white on the actually blank screen. Usually, this happens at night and I’m wondering if it is a medication causing it. Or, perhaps a flashback from a “medication.”

I wake often during the night and sometimes see little black floating triagles floating through the air. Other times I can lay there and watch a moving cartoon in black and white. Now, if I can just get them to play a cartoon of my book, I’d be all set. At least I don’t hear voices.

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