THE MOST EXPENSE MOVE ON EARTH!
1. House sells and you aren’t sure you want to but you are now stuck.
2. Two weeks pass and you refuse inspections, thus begging out of the whole thing. Whew!
3. And, way too good realtor hands you next offer. Shit!
4. Not knowing why you accept it, you do and find that you have two weeks to move a 2,100 square foot house, of two households, with:
a. Disabled husband
b. Elderly mother (who has moved like three times in her life and wants to dust everything off before she packs it.)
c. Gaffer (whose claim to strength is his PS2 thumbs)
d. And me
5. THEN, two days before closing, you rent the largest truck and the largest trailer they will rent.
6. You begin to pack up way earlier than you think you need to (after all you have had a huge yard sale already and you are short on help).
7. It is the end of October and THEN IT SNOWS. It just doesn’t send down some lazy flakes, it is an icy, dense, two and a half feet of snow, that:
a. Makes the metal floor of the truck, which sits on a slope, like skating on ice
b. Strands the trailer loaded with mom’s stuff in the middle of the yard
c. Disables town, but never fearless realtor’s offices, and keeps even the day laborers at home.
8. Thus causing:
a. You to pay for an extra truck and a storage unit ‘cause it ain’t all gonna fit.
b. You to purchase a new dolly, as the other one fell out the open door of the extra truck.
c. You pay for two days of house rental because it just isn’t enough time
d. You pay loan shark bribery rates to shut up the new owner’s mother-in-law who does not see this as an act of God, as she watches disabled husband and Gaffer trying to move a refrigerator through two and a half feet of heavy snow, when the moving truck would not come closer than one hundred feet to the house.
e. Well, actually the money was also to shut her up because we left stuff. Not much inside, just some in a closet but a lot in my studio. A LOT!
9. Finally, closing is over, our stuff is packed –Oh!, and the truck already broke down in the yard once, but, we are on the road, with the help of new home owner who pulled the trailer out of the yard and also came running after us to give us a photo left on the wall. We drive to a motel because we are all beat and need a place to collapse and cry.
10. We leave in the morning and:
a. Disabled husband loses the $1,000 he has for gasoline. After much searching and panic, he finds it laying in the muck of the parking lot (One for us, Ten for the evil ones)
b. The motor home will not start and besides that problem, disabled husband burns up the starter trying to start it. We transfer everything around. I now will drive the van and pull a trailer. We pay to have the motor home towed.
c. We leave everything that we needed first in the motor home, at the repair shop, in Casper, Wyoming, so that we will then have to replace all of Gaffer’s wardrobe, so he can go to school when we arrive in Indiana. But, we are on our way back home to Indiana.
Then, the phone rings. We had been approved for our loan but, unbeknownst to us, the house was not approved for the loan and that call was our realtor telling us that our home was not approved by the mortgage company because: are you ready??
IT DID NOT HAVE A SEPTIC SYSTEM. It had something like a bucket buried in the ground.
MY QUESTION: Shouldn’t somebody have noticed this a lot earlier in the story?
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